Refund policy
“UNHINGED RETURN MANIFESTO”
-- Returns are our last gentleness to capitalism
30-day return window
Returnable within 30 days of receipt (from the moment the delivery guy high-fives you)
US only: for other regions, please refer to the “How to spark a coup with a t-shirt” guide
⚠️ Return Instructions
1️⃣ Keeping the crime scene intact
Merchandise must be in factory condition: no signs of wear, no blood from bar fights, no tears from church confessions
Original packaging (tags/boxes/bags) is our “Chain of Evidence” - $5 investigative fee for each item missing!
Then please submit your return request to need100million.com with the reason for return and our support team will follow up with you.
2️⃣ QC Tyranny Immunity
Tested by the “Quality Assurance Officer” before shipment: it can withstand 3 washing machine riots + 5 street graffiti missions!
If you are not satisfied with any of your purchases, please contact our need100million.com support team and we will work out a solution for your situation.
If it's not a quality issue (e.g. your mom thinks it's too cool), think twice - returning it is a betrayal of freedom!
3️⃣ Timely confession mechanism
Contact customer service within 24 hours and send “incriminating photos” + an insult to Uniqlo.
🚚 Notes on logistics returns
We pay for shipping? Not unless you can prove the courier is an undercover FBI agent.
Please do not use the sender's address on the package as the return address as it is not the correct return address and may affect your return process.
💰 Return Terms
ORIGINAL REFUNDS (FOR GOOD PEOPLE): all refunds will be issued using the original payment method used at checkout. The timeframe for receiving a refund will vary depending on the payment method used for the order. Please see approximate processing times for different payment methods. Thank you for your patience.
Exchanging Bitcoins (Exclusive to Extra Legal Fanatics)
Donate to the 'Blow Up Wall Street's Drinking Fountain Fund' (comes with a free Art of Crime eBook)
🔥 Ultimate Warning.
If you extort customer service with this policy, you will receive an AI-generated Trump apology ASMR
Successful returns will be added to the “Cult of Anti-Consumerism” mailing list by default
“Real thugs don't bother to return clothes - they burn them and scatter the ashes at city hall.”
(Final interpretation of terms rests with Satan, ChatGPT, and a dark jury of three bailed-out employees)